Fear factor

Isn't it interesting how fear can stop you from living your life. How something as small as an emotion, can make you miss out on some of the most beautiful things in life.

I remember the days where I let fear hold me back in life. When I used to always think about what if this happened, or what if they do this to me...etc. I never just lived my life, instead I lived in fear. In fear of what I heard or what I saw on TV, I was just always afraid.

But now I've decided not to let fear run my life. I actually decided that a while ago back in December. That was when I slept in my room with the closet doors open for the first time. That was literally one of my biggest fears. I was always afraid of what MIGHT be in the closet. I was 20 years old, and still afraid of the "monster" in the dark clothes filled closet. Well guess what, I slept with the closet door open and nothing happened. There were no monsters.

I used to be so afraid of love to the point where I would literally sabotage every relationship that I came across. Now I'm happy to say that though I'm not ready for a relationship I'm not running from them anymore. I used to be so afraid of someone having the power to hurt me. I always said that I would never let anyone hurt me, and that I would leave anyone before I let them leave me.

Now I'm opening myself up for the possibility to one day fall hard for someone. To fall so hard that I don't even care that they hold my precious scar-less heart in their hands. I won't say that the idea still doesn't scare me, but now the fear doesn't hold me back from the possibilities and the happiness that love could bring to my life.

I just used to be scared of so many things. Scared that people would call me fat, or ugly, or stupid, but now I don't care. I'm not scared of the dumb things that are really just holding me back from being happy. I'm going to live my life the way that i need to, like it or not, that is the Nicole that I need to be. If people don't like the way that I am, well than that's there problem not mine. I'm not afraid of anyone or anything but God. Ok that's all I have to say for the night. XOXOXO

Over and Out. Nik