Happiness

"Then one student said that happiness is what happens when you go to bed on the hottest night of the summer, a night so hot that you can't even wear a tee-shirt and you sleep on top of the sheets instead of under them, although try to sleep is more accurate. And then at some point late, late, late at night, say just a bit before dawn, the heat finally breaks and the night turns cool and when you briefly wake up, you notice that you're almost chilly, and in your groggy, half-consciousness, you reach over and pull the sheet around you and just that flimsy sheet makes it warm enough and you drift back off into a deep sleep. And it's that reaching, that gesture, that reflex we have to pull what's warm, whether it's something or someone, towards us, that feeling we get when we do that, that feeling of being safe in the world and ready for sleep, that's happiness."

I concur.

Thee Cemetery...

So today I found it, thee Cemetery, the one that will hopefully be the place that my life changes. My host family took my room mate and myself to Boston today and we went to the cemetery where John Hancock was buried and I fell in love immediately.

Since I was little I've always had a thing for cemeteries. The place where I used to get tutored was surrounded by a cemetery and I went there with my siblings once a week for years and something about it just stuck with me. My friends and I would play between the tombstones and hang out there and read about the different people and it never seemed like a creepy place at all.

Once I got older and I went through that phase that most girls go through, I started to think about the place that I would want to be proposed too and the first thing that popped into my mind was a cemetery. There's something really appealing to me about the idea of starting a really large chapter in your life in a place where some people's lives have been put to rest.

I've only told a few people this fantasy of mine and most of them think that it's pretty weird but, I don't know, I think that it's perfect. The cemetery that we went to today, was so gorgeous. All of the tombstones and grave markers were super old, and some of them were illegible. It was pretty tiny and maybe had about 150 graves in it.

When I was getting ready to leave, I saw this tree towards the front of the cemetery off of the path and I immediately got chills. I couldn't help but think that if I could have my dream proposal that it would be in that cemetery under that tree.

I walked away from that place feeling as if I had a glimpse into the future. As if I had seen that part of my life flash before my eyes, the man of my dreams proposing to me in a place that until today I thought didn't exist. I  mean, I always wanted to be proposed to in a cemetery but I never thought it would ever happened until today. When I was on that brick pathway and I was staring up at that tree, I felt like everything came together and for once my plans made a deal with reality and said "we'll give her this one."

I'm sure that I may sound a little silly but there are a few things in life that mean a whole lot to me and this is definitely one of them. Fingers crossed, wishing on a star....that cemetery under that tree. The answer will be yes.

Colorado

Today is my last day in Colorado and man did it all go by so fast.

It seems like it was just yesterday that I was being flown to Colorado to start work as a PR for staging, now I'm heading to Mass as the Education Coordinator. Things can change in such a short amount of time, it's kind of unbelievable actually.

In the last year, my life has come full circle and yesterday I found myself saying bye to people that this time last year I was just starting my journey with. Now they're staying here and I'm the one leaving them behind, it's sad and exciting all at the same time.

Yesterday reminded me that you should never let first impressions keep you from getting to know a person because you never know if the future will bring the two of you together again. You never know if one day you'll be the one that needs them or if one day they'll actually end up being a good friend of yours.

These last few weeks have just been incredible and I'm very excited for the next five months.

If it's not like the movies...

I don't want it all...I don't need the horse and buggy or a ring the size of my face worth millions, I don't want the fairy tale happy ending. That's stupid. Well to me it is and that's probably not a very mature word to use but I'm ok with that.

I want passion that starts in my eyes and burns its way down to my toes. I want to argue and then laugh about how stupid we're being.

I don't want to find my better half, I'm already whole. I want to be united with that other whole person that feels complete and in spite of that, still wants to be around me, all the time. Yeah, that's what I want.

I think it's easy to fall in love and stay with someone, when you think that they complete you. Why would you want to break up with someone and then feel like you're missing half of yourself, for the rest of your life, that would suck, so yeah, I get that.

But I think it's even harder to feel like you're whole, and that you're absolutely happy with things but yet you still want to welcome someone else into your life. You don't need them, but you want them. Yeah, I like that a lot.

I don't want to feel like I need to have someone around to be happy, I would instead want them around to add to my happiness. Two happy people coming together to be happier, instead of two unhappy people searching for each other with the hope of being happy one day.

Yeah, no. I don't need prince charming, or Mr. Big, that's not for me.

 This weekend I went to this absolutely adorable cabin in the middle of the woods and it's a bed and breakfast. I had such a nice breakfast and when we started to head out the first thing I thought was "I want to come here for my honeymoon."

That thought seriously shocked me because that's never what I saw for myself. I always thought that I would want to go to some exotic place, but instead my heart cried out for this gorgeous cheap cottage in the middle of the woods.

So I guess that's what I want, a cute little cottage with the love of my life, nothing fancy, just the two of us eating eggs benedict and falling deeper in love. That sounds pretty nice to me.

Two things....

Marry someone who brings out the most in you, that's what the following quotation made me think. Minus the hell part, it's exactly what I want in a partner.

"Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones that bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive, that you'd follow them straight to hell just to keep getting your fix."

Second thing, this quotation hit me like a ton of bricks and made me really think.

"It is very sad to me that some people are so intent on leaving their mark on the world that they don't care if that mark is a scar."

XoXo

If looks could kill....

Before recently I never really spent much time thinking about the way that I look at people. Whether I look at them with a negative or positive light I just hashed it up as a part of life and never really examined what it's like, like I said before, until now.

It's an interesting transition when you go from looking at someone and seeing a stranger to looking at someone and seeing a friend or your future. Also the reverse, when someone goes from being a person that you see as being so absolutely familiar, to a complete stranger, it's pretty difficult to deal with.

I've seen on movies and heard people say things like "they way he looks at her is unreal," or the other way around and it's really hard to understand until you find someone or something that puts a sparkle in your eyes.

Now, I'm a firm believer in having your own passions and being whole before you go into a relationship, but I also believe that if a significant other isn't bringing something into your life than they're a waste of time. That's why I love it when people start to get those looks, when they're eyes start to shine when they see the object of their affection, it's beautiful really.

Also it's a pretty crazy feeling to be able to notice when you're looking at someone different, you realize it and you wonder if anyone else notices. Do they notice the sparkle that fills your eyes when that person comes into the room or the smile that consumes your gaze when you catch their eye.

I wonder when does that change, that must begin in your heart, transition to your eyes. When does it go from being just something that you feel, to something that others can see? If I had the answers, I would tell them to you I promise, but I don't. It's kind of neat to think about though I think.

I love how slowly love can move through your body, it's like going from super cold water to a hot tub. You feel this crazy tingle at first and then it just consumes you, like a slow over whelming fire. I especially love how that fire goes from warming your body to building a permanent resident in your eyes for others to see, yeah I love that part most.

Later folks.