My mistakes always seem to catch up to me
Sometimes in the middle of the night
Interrupting my peaceful dreams
My mistakes call me up
Sometimes in the afternoon
A ghost from my past checking in
My mistakes catch me off guard
They show up when I least expect them
Dismantling relationships that I thought were strong
My mistakes live in my room
Crawling all over pictures and doorknobs
Reminding me of all the choices I've made
My mistakes don't have faces
But their voices echo in my head
Tell me I should be broken and filled with regret
I am not a result of my mistakes
But I am a result of what I've learned from them
How they've made me change
I do not see my mistakes in my reflection
Instead I see my accomplishments
And not one glimpse of who I used to be
My mistakes try to haunt me but I haunt them instead
Showing them that they haven't crushed me
Nor do they affect me
I am a result of every lesson ever taught to me
And every person I've ever met
I'm a collection of good intentions
Stitched together with failed attempts
My mistakes always seem to catch up to me
Just long enough for me to be reminded of them
And how powerless they are.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
How to live
First:
Put your whole life in order
Pay your bills and organize your closet
Wash your sheets and clean your room
Make your bed and pack up your old books
Spend time with every member of your family
Remind them how much you love them
Second:
Get rid of your cell phone
Flush it down a toilet or throw it off a cliff
Deactivate your Facebook and delete your Twitter
Buy a dog, with kind eyes and soft fur
Update your blog and allude to a dream
Third:
Quit your job, tell them you found something better
Break up with your boyfriend
Meet up with all of your best friends
Only one will realize something is up, play it cool
Buy something really expensive, that you don't need
Fourth:
Find all your Exes and tell them how you really feel about them
Go to the house you grew up in and sit on the front porch
Write a letter full of secrets and burn it
Buy a cheap pair of blue Nike sneakers, cheap
Buy a cheap but reliable car
Fifth:
Leave
Pack your car in the middle of the night
Grab your dog and your running sneakers
Kiss your bedroom door and dust off your feet
Jump in the car
And leave.
Put your whole life in order
Pay your bills and organize your closet
Wash your sheets and clean your room
Make your bed and pack up your old books
Spend time with every member of your family
Remind them how much you love them
Second:
Get rid of your cell phone
Flush it down a toilet or throw it off a cliff
Deactivate your Facebook and delete your Twitter
Buy a dog, with kind eyes and soft fur
Update your blog and allude to a dream
Third:
Quit your job, tell them you found something better
Break up with your boyfriend
Meet up with all of your best friends
Only one will realize something is up, play it cool
Buy something really expensive, that you don't need
Fourth:
Find all your Exes and tell them how you really feel about them
Go to the house you grew up in and sit on the front porch
Write a letter full of secrets and burn it
Buy a cheap pair of blue Nike sneakers, cheap
Buy a cheap but reliable car
Fifth:
Leave
Pack your car in the middle of the night
Grab your dog and your running sneakers
Kiss your bedroom door and dust off your feet
Jump in the car
And leave.
Racism in 2012.
One thing that I never really write about is racism. It's something that though I've had to deal with it at times, has never really made a huge impact in my life. I've grown up around people of different races my whole life and have always felt like I've belonged even if I was the only black person in the room.
I read an article recently about a black man that was saying that he feels like now that we have a black president he can't talk about racial issues anymore. A lot of people think that since our president is black that there is no longer racism in our country, that's not true.
I feel like our generation has come so far since our parents and grandparents generations. We've learned to love each other and accept each other as one, no matter what we look like and that's incredible to me. But there are still people in this world who have stereotypes and embedded prejudices against people who look different than them.
Racism is something that really hurts me to my heart. When people talk to my sister who is in an interracial marriage and has three children and tell her that her kids will have a hard time choosing which race to be friends with, it kills me. Why do people even think like that? It's so hard to understand, because believe me I really do try to see where they're coming from. I understand that they way you were raised affects what kind of adult you are but what I don't understand is why they're raised like that in the first place.
I just think about the future and I'm nervous. They're are so many people who have good intentions and good hearts but they always seem to be forgotten or overshadowed by those with ill intentions.
Like I said before this is not a topic that I like talking about a lot. I think that I let myself get to upset and hurt over it and it hinders me from thinking about it in an objective manner. I just think that it's a problem that our society still faces and that it should be dealt with before tragedies happen not during them.
I read an article recently about a black man that was saying that he feels like now that we have a black president he can't talk about racial issues anymore. A lot of people think that since our president is black that there is no longer racism in our country, that's not true.
I feel like our generation has come so far since our parents and grandparents generations. We've learned to love each other and accept each other as one, no matter what we look like and that's incredible to me. But there are still people in this world who have stereotypes and embedded prejudices against people who look different than them.
Racism is something that really hurts me to my heart. When people talk to my sister who is in an interracial marriage and has three children and tell her that her kids will have a hard time choosing which race to be friends with, it kills me. Why do people even think like that? It's so hard to understand, because believe me I really do try to see where they're coming from. I understand that they way you were raised affects what kind of adult you are but what I don't understand is why they're raised like that in the first place.
I just think about the future and I'm nervous. They're are so many people who have good intentions and good hearts but they always seem to be forgotten or overshadowed by those with ill intentions.
Like I said before this is not a topic that I like talking about a lot. I think that I let myself get to upset and hurt over it and it hinders me from thinking about it in an objective manner. I just think that it's a problem that our society still faces and that it should be dealt with before tragedies happen not during them.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
I have a problem...actually I have two.
Problem 1:
I really like floss. Actually, I'm sorry I lied, I love floss. I floss about 50 times a day, it's an obsession really. I have a thing about teeth and the way I rationalize it in my head is that if I expect other people to have nice teeth then I should have pretty spiffy teeth as well.
So consequently I carry floss with me wherever I go and I have no shame, I'll floss anywhere. I floss in stores, at church, in restaurants, while I'm doing homework, whenever I feel the need to floss my teeth I figure out a way to do it. Then I feel better and my teeth feel clean and the world feels in order.
Problem 2:
I hate when people touch my elbows. Hate is the wrong word, I'd rather get chased by a dog than have someone touch my elbows. My friends do it to me all the time cause they think it's hilarious to see me squirm like a weirdo and scream like a mad man.
I'm not crazy though, I promise I'm not.
I really like floss. Actually, I'm sorry I lied, I love floss. I floss about 50 times a day, it's an obsession really. I have a thing about teeth and the way I rationalize it in my head is that if I expect other people to have nice teeth then I should have pretty spiffy teeth as well.
So consequently I carry floss with me wherever I go and I have no shame, I'll floss anywhere. I floss in stores, at church, in restaurants, while I'm doing homework, whenever I feel the need to floss my teeth I figure out a way to do it. Then I feel better and my teeth feel clean and the world feels in order.
Problem 2:
I hate when people touch my elbows. Hate is the wrong word, I'd rather get chased by a dog than have someone touch my elbows. My friends do it to me all the time cause they think it's hilarious to see me squirm like a weirdo and scream like a mad man.
I'm not crazy though, I promise I'm not.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Ideals
I think there is a certain level of beauty (this is gonna be weird but just go with it) in finding yourself attractive but not expecting others to find you attractive.
Some would call that a certain level of low self esteem but in my brain I rationalize it as being the most humble level of self esteem. It's saying that you think God did a great job on your face but if others don't think so that's fine as well.
The things I think about at night time....random brain of mine.
Some would call that a certain level of low self esteem but in my brain I rationalize it as being the most humble level of self esteem. It's saying that you think God did a great job on your face but if others don't think so that's fine as well.
The things I think about at night time....random brain of mine.
Creative Writing
I fell down the stairs once. When I say fell, I mean a legitimate tumble down the stairs, not tripping or slight fumbles in this scenario. I was 21 and dumb. I walked out of my room and didn't pay attention to where I was going, I knew the stairs so well, or at least that's what I thought.
My mother had just finished lifting some light weights in her room and had placed them in the corner of the stairs on the way down. When I think about what happened that day I like to imagine that my mother was planning to grab them but had instead forgotten them and went downstairs to watch television. The less logical part of my brain tries to convince me that they were strategically placed there as a part of the grand scheme of my early demise.
I digress, so I walked out of my room and instead of walking towards the center of the stairs I cut things a little too close and walked along the left edge near the rail. I stepped right on top of the weights and the rest? Well the rest is as follows...
I slid down the first half of the stairs on the heels of my feet hoping and praying that the wall would stop me and I wouldn't go to the right down the other half of the stairs. Good news for the story, the wall didn't stop me, in fact it propelled me down the other half of the stairs. When I finally landed on solid ground after what felt like hours of falling my mother was there waiting for me asking me repeatedly if I was alright.
I answered. "Yes. I'm alright."
My mother had just finished lifting some light weights in her room and had placed them in the corner of the stairs on the way down. When I think about what happened that day I like to imagine that my mother was planning to grab them but had instead forgotten them and went downstairs to watch television. The less logical part of my brain tries to convince me that they were strategically placed there as a part of the grand scheme of my early demise.
I digress, so I walked out of my room and instead of walking towards the center of the stairs I cut things a little too close and walked along the left edge near the rail. I stepped right on top of the weights and the rest? Well the rest is as follows...
I slid down the first half of the stairs on the heels of my feet hoping and praying that the wall would stop me and I wouldn't go to the right down the other half of the stairs. Good news for the story, the wall didn't stop me, in fact it propelled me down the other half of the stairs. When I finally landed on solid ground after what felt like hours of falling my mother was there waiting for me asking me repeatedly if I was alright.
I answered. "Yes. I'm alright."
Barack Obama
“We should all make more of an effort to discuss with one another, in a truthful and mature and responsible way, the divides that still exist — the discrimination that’s still out there, the prejudices that still hold us back. A discussion that needs to take place not on cable TV, not just through a bunch of academic symposia or fancy commissions or panels, not through political posturing, but around kitchen tables, and water coolers, and church basements, and in our schools, and with our kids all across the country,”
Friday, March 23, 2012
"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
Friday, March 16, 2012
"I am not a graceful person. I am not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2am, I am gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don't belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn't happen. The way that light and dark mix under my skin has become a storm. You don't see the lightning, but you hear the echo."
Friday, March 9, 2012
Kony 2012
Last night I was on my computer and all I kept seeing was criticism and attacks against the Kony 2012 campaign. I felt weird, for lack of a more intelligent word, my heart felt heavy and I honestly didn't know what to say or think. It's a cause that I truly believe in but so many people, who have opinions that mean a lot to me, are against it and I couldn't answer a lot of the questions they had.
I saw a picture that confused me, I read about statistics that threw me for a loop and I was begging for answers. So I turned to the only one who always can supply my needs, I prayed a prayer asking God to help me feel more level headed about this. I wanted to feel more secure in where I stand and I wanted all of my questions to be answered.
I'm amazed and so glad to say that today I read a statement released by Invisible Children addressing all of the criticism and the questions. I immediately felt at peace, it was like God saw my tears and heard my prayer and helped me to see that my heart really is in the right place.
I'm discouraged by the people who are so against this but then again I'm encouraged by the thousands of people that are standing next to me. All of the people that won't forget the faces or won't let their minds block out the cries.
If there's a chance that we can do something then I would like to do something. Call me crazy, call me naive or call me a small fire burning brightly, call me an activist call me human. Whatever you decide to call me, regardless if you agree with the cause or not I hope you're encouraged by the amount of people that came together for a common goal.
Be the change. Kony 2012.
I saw a picture that confused me, I read about statistics that threw me for a loop and I was begging for answers. So I turned to the only one who always can supply my needs, I prayed a prayer asking God to help me feel more level headed about this. I wanted to feel more secure in where I stand and I wanted all of my questions to be answered.
I'm amazed and so glad to say that today I read a statement released by Invisible Children addressing all of the criticism and the questions. I immediately felt at peace, it was like God saw my tears and heard my prayer and helped me to see that my heart really is in the right place.
I'm discouraged by the people who are so against this but then again I'm encouraged by the thousands of people that are standing next to me. All of the people that won't forget the faces or won't let their minds block out the cries.
If there's a chance that we can do something then I would like to do something. Call me crazy, call me naive or call me a small fire burning brightly, call me an activist call me human. Whatever you decide to call me, regardless if you agree with the cause or not I hope you're encouraged by the amount of people that came together for a common goal.
Be the change. Kony 2012.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Human rights
I've always been interested in Human rights. In fact, I already have the blue print of an organization that I've wanted to start for years, but the thing is I've always felt kind of helpless.
I know that one day I'll have the means to make the world a better place, but what can I do now? What can I do as a 22 year old college student based out of Allentown,PA, well here's what I can do. I can speak out about things that matter.
No matter how much money or influence I may or may not have at this time I will always have a voice. Until the day I die I'll have the precious gift of a voice and it's up to me to decide if I want that voice to be heard or not.
It's one thing to speak out but it's another to speak out about things that matter. It's really disheartening to see so many people discredit the #Kony2012 movement and calling it a fad instead of joining in and trying to spread the message.
Yes it's true the Invisible Children organization is far from perfect and maybe arresting Joseph Kony won't solve all of the problems in South Africa, but if one life is saved? Doesn't that mean something? If one child is returned to their families, if one little girl doesn't have to become a sex slave, isn't their mission accomplished.
Before you scratch this off as being just another popular fad, think of all the people or maybe the one person that this awareness can save. I don't know about you but It's very hard for me to feel emotionally attached to large numbers, but when I simplify it and make it about one person, one child, I feel driven. My heart breaks for these children that had to kill their parents and relatives or don't know what it's like to grow up playing with a gun that has pretend bullets in it instead of live ammunition.
I'm not asking for anyone to send money to Invisible Children but all I'm asking is for people to support a cause that is trying to end injustice. For one, for many, this could change a life, it could change lives. Lets make a difference and join the fight against injustice. No matter how you feel about Invisible Children don't let that stop you from helping these children to have a normal life. Make Joseph Kony famous and help make the invisible, visible.
XOXO Nik.
I know that one day I'll have the means to make the world a better place, but what can I do now? What can I do as a 22 year old college student based out of Allentown,PA, well here's what I can do. I can speak out about things that matter.
No matter how much money or influence I may or may not have at this time I will always have a voice. Until the day I die I'll have the precious gift of a voice and it's up to me to decide if I want that voice to be heard or not.
It's one thing to speak out but it's another to speak out about things that matter. It's really disheartening to see so many people discredit the #Kony2012 movement and calling it a fad instead of joining in and trying to spread the message.
Yes it's true the Invisible Children organization is far from perfect and maybe arresting Joseph Kony won't solve all of the problems in South Africa, but if one life is saved? Doesn't that mean something? If one child is returned to their families, if one little girl doesn't have to become a sex slave, isn't their mission accomplished.
Before you scratch this off as being just another popular fad, think of all the people or maybe the one person that this awareness can save. I don't know about you but It's very hard for me to feel emotionally attached to large numbers, but when I simplify it and make it about one person, one child, I feel driven. My heart breaks for these children that had to kill their parents and relatives or don't know what it's like to grow up playing with a gun that has pretend bullets in it instead of live ammunition.
I'm not asking for anyone to send money to Invisible Children but all I'm asking is for people to support a cause that is trying to end injustice. For one, for many, this could change a life, it could change lives. Lets make a difference and join the fight against injustice. No matter how you feel about Invisible Children don't let that stop you from helping these children to have a normal life. Make Joseph Kony famous and help make the invisible, visible.
XOXO Nik.
Invisible Children
For the last year and a half I've been planning out my senior project and yesterday I saw a video that I inspired me too incorporate more things into it.
I watched a video produced by the organization Invisible Children. The video was made to bring awareness to a problem going on in South Africa and also the video was a call to action. Just for background purposes, before I saw this video I planned to dedicate a large section of my senior project to the idea of invisible children. After living in Asia for a month and seeing first hand the poverty and conditions that some children have to go through I really wanted to fight to help bring awareness too and end child soldiers.
This video that I saw last night helped me have a more tangible idea of things that people like you and me can do to end this horrible problem. The Stop Kony movement is built on the idea of awareness and proactive moves that can help dissolve an army that is abducting and enslaving children in South Africa. Joseph Kony is the head of this army and Invisible Children has started a campaign called Kony 2012 that they hope will help bring this man to justice.
The idea is that Invisible children will reach out to 20 celebrities and 12 politicians that they believe have the influence to change this situation. After much hard work and dedication IC was able to pursued President Obama in October 2011 to send 100 American soldiers to Uganda to help the Uganda army in stopping Joseph Kony.
By posting pictures and status about Joseph Kony it helps your friends and family to know his name and what that does is it help the American government to know that US citizens care about what is going on in South Africa.
I've found in myself that as soon as I learned about this issue it hit me very close to my heart. I don't think that anyone should ever have to live in fear of being abducted at a young age and forced to fight in an army that they have no affiliation with. These children are forced to kill their parents and if they are young girls they are forced to be sex slaves, we must do something. There is a quotation from the movie that really stuck out to me, "Where you live should not determine whether you live." Just because we were fortunate enough to be born in America doesn't mean we can ignore injustice in other countries.
When you ignore injustice you contribute to it. Join me in the fight to end child soldiers and the efforts to show our president that we care about what goes on in this world. I'm 22 years old and I want to live in a world where people all over have basic human rights, and that' s not the case right now. Join the fight Kony 2012.
I watched a video produced by the organization Invisible Children. The video was made to bring awareness to a problem going on in South Africa and also the video was a call to action. Just for background purposes, before I saw this video I planned to dedicate a large section of my senior project to the idea of invisible children. After living in Asia for a month and seeing first hand the poverty and conditions that some children have to go through I really wanted to fight to help bring awareness too and end child soldiers.
This video that I saw last night helped me have a more tangible idea of things that people like you and me can do to end this horrible problem. The Stop Kony movement is built on the idea of awareness and proactive moves that can help dissolve an army that is abducting and enslaving children in South Africa. Joseph Kony is the head of this army and Invisible Children has started a campaign called Kony 2012 that they hope will help bring this man to justice.
The idea is that Invisible children will reach out to 20 celebrities and 12 politicians that they believe have the influence to change this situation. After much hard work and dedication IC was able to pursued President Obama in October 2011 to send 100 American soldiers to Uganda to help the Uganda army in stopping Joseph Kony.
By posting pictures and status about Joseph Kony it helps your friends and family to know his name and what that does is it help the American government to know that US citizens care about what is going on in South Africa.
I've found in myself that as soon as I learned about this issue it hit me very close to my heart. I don't think that anyone should ever have to live in fear of being abducted at a young age and forced to fight in an army that they have no affiliation with. These children are forced to kill their parents and if they are young girls they are forced to be sex slaves, we must do something. There is a quotation from the movie that really stuck out to me, "Where you live should not determine whether you live." Just because we were fortunate enough to be born in America doesn't mean we can ignore injustice in other countries.
When you ignore injustice you contribute to it. Join me in the fight to end child soldiers and the efforts to show our president that we care about what goes on in this world. I'm 22 years old and I want to live in a world where people all over have basic human rights, and that' s not the case right now. Join the fight Kony 2012.
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