"The days of my “talkin’ loud and sayin’ nothing” are over. I have been given a big voice that reaches so many different walks of life, and I never want to lose sight of that.
Thanks for standing not only in front of me, but also by my side…
See you this Summer?"
JM ♥
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
summer.
I want this swimsuit really bad. Plain and simple.
http://www.forever21.com/swim/itemlist.asp?id=73131271-02set&category_name=swimwear
http://www.forever21.com/swim/itemlist.asp?id=73131271-02set&category_name=swimwear
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I could sing..
Over the mountains and the seas, your river, runs with love for me, and I will open up my heart and let the healing set me free.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I need them
I need good people in my life to remind me of who I am sometimes. This weekend, my best friend and her boyfriend visited me at school and it was one of the best weekends of my college career. We didn't really do any thing special, but we did spend a lot of time together and that was really nice.
Last night we went to a party, where there was a lot of alcohol and cigarettes lying around and I was so tempted to drink. But with my friends there being accountability partners for me I was able to resist. After they left my campus I was unexpectedly overcome with emotions. I became tired of myself and the things that I've been doing.
When I was with my friends, my two best friends, I was able to 100% no holding back or thinking about my words able to be myself and it was such a great feeling. They know me so well, they can tell when I'm not happy, or when I'm becoming frustrated with a situation. They know when I finally decided on something and no matter what won't change my mind about it. They were with me when I made the one mistake that I regret in life, and they were there to hold my hand and give me words of wisdom when I cried about it.
My friends are so important to me I really don't know where I would be without them. I'd be up a creek without a paddle, I assume. The Lord has shown me that I shine the brightest when I embrace the fact that I am perfect only in my imperfections. I long to make people happy and make them laugh, but it's when I'm myself and embrace everything that means, do others around me smile and find humor in what happens.
I'm so conflicted within myself, there are moments where I'm unbelievably confident and then others where I cower in fear. There are moments where I'm completely sure of what I want in life, but then I look around and find myself standing all alone and I change my mind again. I need people around me who know me well enough to keep me grounded. People like the two that visited me this weekend, who have the same beliefs as me and can smack me around when I start acting crazy.
I was starting to feel lost here at school again, like I was losing ever part of myself that means the most. Now I'm feeling like I can almost see who I am again and I'm on the path to becoming that person again very soon.
Last night we went to a party, where there was a lot of alcohol and cigarettes lying around and I was so tempted to drink. But with my friends there being accountability partners for me I was able to resist. After they left my campus I was unexpectedly overcome with emotions. I became tired of myself and the things that I've been doing.
When I was with my friends, my two best friends, I was able to 100% no holding back or thinking about my words able to be myself and it was such a great feeling. They know me so well, they can tell when I'm not happy, or when I'm becoming frustrated with a situation. They know when I finally decided on something and no matter what won't change my mind about it. They were with me when I made the one mistake that I regret in life, and they were there to hold my hand and give me words of wisdom when I cried about it.
My friends are so important to me I really don't know where I would be without them. I'd be up a creek without a paddle, I assume. The Lord has shown me that I shine the brightest when I embrace the fact that I am perfect only in my imperfections. I long to make people happy and make them laugh, but it's when I'm myself and embrace everything that means, do others around me smile and find humor in what happens.
I'm so conflicted within myself, there are moments where I'm unbelievably confident and then others where I cower in fear. There are moments where I'm completely sure of what I want in life, but then I look around and find myself standing all alone and I change my mind again. I need people around me who know me well enough to keep me grounded. People like the two that visited me this weekend, who have the same beliefs as me and can smack me around when I start acting crazy.
I was starting to feel lost here at school again, like I was losing ever part of myself that means the most. Now I'm feeling like I can almost see who I am again and I'm on the path to becoming that person again very soon.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
continued
Today I talked to one of my friends, a friend that I've known for as long as I can remember, but the person she is today is someone I really don't recognize. Last year she met this guy, and after giving him her first kiss, she's been sprung to no end, and has let him change her.
He was in a relationship when they kissed and when she found out, she was almost completely OK with it. "Sometimes good people do dumb things" she said, and after that I knew he had he wrapped around his finger.
When we were growing up this person would barely hug guys, and when she did she would be conscious of who she hugged, because she didn't wanna go around being all over guys. She was innocent and humble, always beautiful, but yet always humble. Now she's border line conceited and pretty much lets guys say whatever sexual innuendos they would like to say to her. I'm really sad, and disappointed, but yet I'm sad about who I am now as well.
I remember the time where I used to not even know how to kiss. The times where I would literally think so hard on where your lips are supposed to go. Now I'm a pro at it, and I don't know how proud I am of that. It upsets me to think that my friends may be disappointed in me, or think that I'm a different person. If my friends feel the way that i felt today when I was talking to my friend, then I don't want to change anymore. I'd rather just go back to the 19year old girl who had never kissed a boy, and couldn't figure out where your bottom lip goes.
I'm scared that I'm changing. Everybody is changing and I DON'T FEEL THE SAME.
He was in a relationship when they kissed and when she found out, she was almost completely OK with it. "Sometimes good people do dumb things" she said, and after that I knew he had he wrapped around his finger.
When we were growing up this person would barely hug guys, and when she did she would be conscious of who she hugged, because she didn't wanna go around being all over guys. She was innocent and humble, always beautiful, but yet always humble. Now she's border line conceited and pretty much lets guys say whatever sexual innuendos they would like to say to her. I'm really sad, and disappointed, but yet I'm sad about who I am now as well.
I remember the time where I used to not even know how to kiss. The times where I would literally think so hard on where your lips are supposed to go. Now I'm a pro at it, and I don't know how proud I am of that. It upsets me to think that my friends may be disappointed in me, or think that I'm a different person. If my friends feel the way that i felt today when I was talking to my friend, then I don't want to change anymore. I'd rather just go back to the 19year old girl who had never kissed a boy, and couldn't figure out where your bottom lip goes.
I'm scared that I'm changing. Everybody is changing and I DON'T FEEL THE SAME.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
I have an addiction
I remember when I was younger and I would literally fall asleep clutching my sisters radio, with my ear plastered to the speaker. I'm addicted to music, but please don't plan any interventions, this is addiction I think I can live with.
Friday, April 2, 2010
silhouettes
I'm searching for silhouettes
Silhouettes, that may be found in between the tear ducts in my eyes
I'm searching for components
components of a wide machine of sanity
a sanity that transcends across gender lines
I'm looking for a solid ground that is shared by all
A type of common ground
A line has been drawn
A truce is out of the question
This is the place where you either bow out
or give in and change what you're fighting for
I'm looking for a certain silhouette
it'll be bigger than my eyes can process
it'll be strong but yet weak enough to embrace me
I saw it once
out of the glimpse of my eye
but when I turned to face it I found myself alone
There's no white flag for me to raise
No letter to send
saying here I am, I'm giving in
Maybe there's a deeper meaning to this
Or here's hoping that there is
I must say hand well played
I'd like to think it was just a flesh wound
but let's be real
I have yet to locate a silhouette
That reflects everything the main man is
Silhouettes and broken things, they fill up all my empty dreams.
Silhouettes, that may be found in between the tear ducts in my eyes
I'm searching for components
components of a wide machine of sanity
a sanity that transcends across gender lines
I'm looking for a solid ground that is shared by all
A type of common ground
A line has been drawn
A truce is out of the question
This is the place where you either bow out
or give in and change what you're fighting for
I'm looking for a certain silhouette
it'll be bigger than my eyes can process
it'll be strong but yet weak enough to embrace me
I saw it once
out of the glimpse of my eye
but when I turned to face it I found myself alone
There's no white flag for me to raise
No letter to send
saying here I am, I'm giving in
Maybe there's a deeper meaning to this
Or here's hoping that there is
I must say hand well played
I'd like to think it was just a flesh wound
but let's be real
I have yet to locate a silhouette
That reflects everything the main man is
Silhouettes and broken things, they fill up all my empty dreams.
poetry
I haven't written a poem in so long and I really need to write one, I don't know why I've been going through writers block I guess, such a crying shame.
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