The prayers of a dreamer.

I believe now, more than any other time in my life that youth have the power to change the world.

I don't mean that when they're older, the youth of today will change the world, I mean that right now, in our immaturity and young age that we can change the world. I believe firmly in the small world idea, I think that instead of trying to change the whole world try to change the world of one person.

I can buy a homeless person dinner and I didn't change the world but I strongly impacted his world and I think that's what real change is about. Real change is about using the resources you have to reach those around you and helping them to have the best life imaginable.

I didn't grow up rich, by any means, but if every child in the world grew up with at least what I had growing up, then they are set up for having a pretty good life. That's what I want for the world. I want other people, like me, a normal person from a normal middle class family,  to realize how much power they have to make a difference and to go out and change the world.

If I do it in my community, and you, yes you, do it in your community and empower others to continue that trend then before we know it the whole world will be reaching out their hands picking up and helping those less fortunate.

I think that we as humans were put on this world to help each other. I think that we were blessed with the breath of life so that we could breathe life into those that do not have what we have.

Stop waiting for someone else to do it, instead go out there and do it yourself. Change this world.,

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

Monsters and those who fear them

When I was a little girl I believed in Monsters and not just the kind that hide under your bed and in the closet but also the kind that hid in the dark and ripped their way up from the earth. I was convinced that being under my covers would protect me and often I woke up covered in sweat from falling asleep with the blankets on my face.

As I got older the fear of beasts lurking in the dark left me and the nightmares began. I would dream, at least once a week, about 'something' chasing me, I never could see what 'IT' was but it always haunted me. As I got older the dreams became less frequent but they didn't cease and when I would have one of those terrifying dreams I would always wake up startled expecting to be in the hands of the thing after me.

It wasn't until a few years ago that these dreams stopped and at first I didn't even notice their absence, I just became used to the nights of full rest and peaceful vividly beautiful dreams. It wasn't until about a year ago that I realized that I hadn't had one of those dreams in years and I began to examine what is was exactly that made them stop.

I've come to the conclusion that as a little one I was the type of child that had a vivid imagination, anything I saw or heard materialized not only in my head but in my life. As I got older and those fears subsided I began to become uncomfortable and uneasy in regards to myself. I didn't like who I was, didn't like the things that I said or did but yet didn't have the power to change it, didn't know where to start. I wanted to be different, but I didn't know what different was.

As I got older, graduated high school, went to college and traveled in Up With People, my world began to change. I began to grow into myself and the things that had once brought me to tears were now signatures of my personality. Instead of wanting to be like everyone else I listened to the advice of my mentors and parents and learned to accept who I was.

Looking back I realize that in my dreams the reason why I never saw what was chasing me is because I would have been face to face with my own reflection. I was my own monster...my own demon. I was running from everything that I was afraid of, not realizing that all of those things would turn me into the exact person I wanted to be.

By fearing being me, I for years kept myself from the happiness that comes with accepting your own identity. If I start having those dreams again I will know that it's time to start reflecting and remembering to accept the most influential person in my world, me.

Not sure how it's possible that I can eat candy so well yet fail so miserably at Candy Crush....

The worth of billions

Today I was given a challenge, by one of my dearest friends and he told me to think about the experiences that I've had in UWP that are invaluable and write them down. I accepted his challenge with open arms and what follows are just a few of the experiences I've had this semester that I couldn't be more thankful for in no specific order.

The experiences that have touched me a lot mostly involve conversations with people that have either helped me through a tough situation, opened my mind to a new perspective or challenged me to think critically about what I believe.

I recently had a host mom that had very strong faith. She would wake up every morning and sit on the couch reading her bible and just spending quality time with the Lord. She talked to me about her faith and we shared our commonalities in the area but things didn't really go deeper on the subject until my last moments with her. On our way to host drop off we had this in depth conversation about God and his love and it was exactly what I needed in that moment. Little did she know that I was struggling greatly in that department but yet she was still able to say exactly what I needed to hear...it was such a beautiful moment.

Another moment that really touched me during the semester was a bus date I had with one of our students and he shared one of the qualities that he really admires in a person. That quality was the ability to not be easily derailed emotionally by people or situations. When he said that it dawned on me that I was the kind of person that was very easily emotionally bothered or derailed by situations and people and that's not  the kind of person that I wanted to be. In that moment I decided that I wanted to change and I wanted to be the kind of person that really thought before reacting even if it's just an intern emotional reaction. I think that if we wouldn't have had that conversation I wouldn't have realized this about myself until much later in life.

When we first went to Mexico this semester, to say that I wasn't excited at all would be the understatement of the year. I just couldn't get into the excitement and swing of Mexico and I was dreading spending six weeks in the country. Luckily for me, my original host family cancelled and I ended up being hosted with the most welcoming and loving family I've ever met. The minute I met my host mom she hugged me and told me how excited she was that I was there and how beautiful she thought I was. From that moment on every single member of that family loved me like I was blood and even though there was a language barrier between myself and my host mom we were still able to build this amazing connection.My host brother and sisters were so much fun to be around and such wonderful youth filled with character and integrity and that was so refreshing to be around.  I am so looking forward to the day when I can visit them and spend more quality family time with them.

Those are just three of the many moments that have impacted me this semester. I am blown away by the life that I lead and the amount of people I am able to come into contact with. Though it is so hard to say goodbye the impact and lasting connections that are built make it all worth it.

-Nik XOxo

The make believe

I could sit very still and listen to the wind

but in it I'm not sure what I'd hear

The silence doesn't scare me

but at times it unnerves me 

is it normal to be this unnerved 

So tell me what to listen to 

When there's nothing left to hear 

As the leaves fall off of hollow trees

I sit there 

Cross legged with folded hands

I pray for peace in the madness 

Clarity in the chaos

A chance for more light

So write me a letter

and place it on your table

and mail it only if you have the time

Cause my mind is filled with words

and distant memories 

that lead me to believe

that fairy tales are real 

and it's my life that's make believe.