The heart....

"How foolish is it to think that we only love with our hearts. The heart is just an organ with a job to do, a quota to fill. When I love, I don't want to love with a blood pumping machine. I want to love with every inch of my body.

I will love you with my knees and my fingertips, with my elbows and my collarbones. With my freckles and my knuckles, my wrinkles and my scars.

And I will love you with all the spaces in between."

Music to my ears...

It's no surprise to anyone that knows me that I'm quite the romantic. Though I'm very sarcastic and often times I run away from anything deeper than a kiss or two, I love so hard and really look forward to the days where I'm married to the man of my dreams.

With that being said, this week I found myself drawn to two songs that I think normally I wouldn't have liked that much. The first one, is by Enrique Iglesias and it's called "Finally found you," and it's really beautiful.

I always wonder what it must feel like for people when they meet someone and they just know that person is the one for them. I wonder if you become overwhelmed with a feeling of anxiety hoping that person never leaves you because after all this time of feeling content and ok with being single you've finally met someone that makes you want to be off the market. And in your heart you know, that person isn't just another someone, but instead it's thee someone....it must be such a crazy feeling.

The second song that I really like a lot is "Little things," by One Direction. It's such an empowering song for women and such a young group sings it, I just think that it's really awesome and lovely.

I just fully believe in love and the power that one person has when they say that they love another and really and truly mean it. Love is so beautiful...such a beautiful thing. I'm more than prepared to wait for the person that God has prepared for me so that I can feel the fear of loving someone, I mean truly loving them and having them love me in return.

One day I'm going to walk down the aisle towards a man that will have changed my thoughts and perspective about relationships. I know, it's super corny and I'm even rolling my eyes when I write it but really, it's going to be amazing. I would say I can't wait, but the truth is I can and will wait for the person that's in love with me and all the little things.

Ernest Hemingway

"Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really try to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry; get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough."

Truth...

'I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning." - Haruki Murakami

Something to live for....

I think that it is so important....so very important to find something worth living for. I've spent so much time, I know I'm young and I'm only 23 but bear with me, I feel like I've spent a lot of my life searching for a substance, something that would stick.

When I was 16, I started to really grow in my faith and it became my core, the center of all that was important. It was so much for me, it still is, but from that I got a taste of how sweet life could be. From that I feel like I saw that there was so much lacking in other aspects of my life.

I was searching for so much, in the smile of a stranger and the arms of those that were so wrong for me, so wrong. I have no regrets, none whatsoever but man, do I feel weird sometimes when I think about the old times. The days where I didn't feel beautiful unless someone was telling me I was hot or making me feel wanted in all the worse ways.

These last few days I've been doing a lot of school projects here in Mexico and it's reminded me of the passion I have for life. I believe that anyone can be who and whatever they want to be, I believe in the power of the mind and the way it can determine how someones life goes.

I fully believe that if I wouldn't have had a change of mind I would not be where I am right now. I go through these phases where I lose track of what I'm living for. I get lost in the hooblah of everyday life and I let it become common place, I forgot that everyday is a new adventure and it's so full.

I remember when I thought that going out and dancing all night and feeling like the prettiest girl in the room was being alive. Today a young man looked me in the eyes and told me that he got our workshops and he could see that the point of it was to help him learn and appreciate other perspectives. At that moment, I felt more alive than I ever have dancing the night away.

Don't get me wrong, I love to dance and have a good time, I really do, but now it's just for fun and not to make me feel wanted or valued. I feel like I really truly have something to live for and I can't even describe how wonderful it feels.

Everyday I feel so alive.

What are you living for?

"Earlier, watching her apply mascara with ritual concentration, he wondered just how beautiful a woman needed to be before she believed it."

And from your lips, she drew the hallelujah.

"I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music do you?"

I'm currently in a room at a school in Mexico, watching our cast, cast B 2012 as they prepare for a really cool session that we're going to be having in a few weeks. I've found that these people inspire me so much more than I realize.

When I was a student in Up With People last year, one of the staff members told me that the only reason he continued to do this job was because of the students. He told us that we were the only reason that he came into work every morning and that we were his inspiration. At the time I thought it was so sweet but I didn't get it, now I get it.

As I look around this room at all of the smiling and concentrated faces. The people who have head phones in their ears and are listening to music. The group of ladies huddle together in a circle around words on a piece of paper trying to come up with something that will stand for the cast.

I'm so inspired by them and all of the things that we continue to do together as a group. They're the reason why I love this job so much. I love the people that we get to interact with everyday but the fact that I get to spend each day with them, is pretty special.

I'm so blessed.

Drizzle

Every single time I read this the last line gets me..... every-time.

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not do anything dirty, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."

There are days where I just get hit with a thought and I feel like I would be doing myself an injustice by not writing about it....today is not one of those days.

I'm sitting on the floor outside of the room in the Hostel that I'm staying in this week in Mexico City and I just want to write. I stayed home from work today because I was sick and I slept most of the day which is why it's 1am and I'm still awake.

I just want to write, I've found that even if I necessarily don't have anything special or important to say it's nice to just get my thoughts out in my journal or here on my handy dandy blog.

I watched this movie the other and I would love to share a quotation from it, "Most doors in life are closed so if you want to get in one, you'd better have an interesting knock."

Well that's it for now, time for bed.

Xoxox Nik.