The quotation to follow is the reason why I hate goodbyes so much. It's the realest thing I've ever come across that truly depicts how I feel when I know that I'm never going to see someone again....sad shit.
"Saying goodbye is always hard. You hug a little tighter, inhale a little deeper, and attempt to commit the smell and feel of the person to your memory. You want time to stop, but you know you can’t. So you cling on for as long as you can and press your lips to their cheeks and murmur, “I’ll see you soon.”
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
I'm honest to a fault. I'll tell you exactly how I feel about a situation and sometimes it's crazy,but, my honestly hurts me. I hurt myself with my honesty. I say things sometimes and when I think about it and realize that's how I actually feel about a situation or thing, it hurts me to my heart.
I realize that relationships scare me to the point where I will do anything not to be in one. I'm so selfish. I don't think about the feelings of others and that makes me sad. I only think about how something is going to make me feel and not how it makes the other person feel.
Yeah, this guys like me and I don't really like him, but hey if he wants to take me out it's all good. In reality that's not all good because you're leading that person on. Kissing and spending time with someone that you don't plan on pursuing a relationship with is cruel. It's one of the worst things you can do to a person emotionally.
People get attached to people. It's just how life works. If someone gets to know you and they like who you are as a person, it's inevitable that they're going to fall for you. And it's heartless and cruel to lead them on and then just shut them down.
I try to stop talking to people before it gets to that point, but I think I'm so used to being hurt by people that when someone is genuinely interested in me and wants to treat me well, I don't believe them and I make sure I hurt them before they can hurt me. I've said this before but I'll just reiterate it, anything too real makes me so scared.
I'm terrified to really fall in love with someone because I'm scared that once I give that one guy my heart he's just going to leave me....leave me hurt and broken hearted like everyone else.
It's pathetic and I'm pathetic for making this a cycle of pain. The truest statement I've ever heard is, "Hurt people, hurt people." When people hurt you, it's hard to not push that hurt on others and that's what I do to guys that pursue me. I hurt them, it's like I'm trying to win some sick battle for the female race.
It's awful and I feel awful for the things I say to people and it makes me sad to think that these guys think that I didn't care about them at all and that I just used them. They think I'm a heartless bitch and I'm not. I swear I'm not. I'm just broken and terrified of being broken beyond repair.
Lord please heal me.
I realize that relationships scare me to the point where I will do anything not to be in one. I'm so selfish. I don't think about the feelings of others and that makes me sad. I only think about how something is going to make me feel and not how it makes the other person feel.
Yeah, this guys like me and I don't really like him, but hey if he wants to take me out it's all good. In reality that's not all good because you're leading that person on. Kissing and spending time with someone that you don't plan on pursuing a relationship with is cruel. It's one of the worst things you can do to a person emotionally.
People get attached to people. It's just how life works. If someone gets to know you and they like who you are as a person, it's inevitable that they're going to fall for you. And it's heartless and cruel to lead them on and then just shut them down.
I try to stop talking to people before it gets to that point, but I think I'm so used to being hurt by people that when someone is genuinely interested in me and wants to treat me well, I don't believe them and I make sure I hurt them before they can hurt me. I've said this before but I'll just reiterate it, anything too real makes me so scared.
I'm terrified to really fall in love with someone because I'm scared that once I give that one guy my heart he's just going to leave me....leave me hurt and broken hearted like everyone else.
It's pathetic and I'm pathetic for making this a cycle of pain. The truest statement I've ever heard is, "Hurt people, hurt people." When people hurt you, it's hard to not push that hurt on others and that's what I do to guys that pursue me. I hurt them, it's like I'm trying to win some sick battle for the female race.
It's awful and I feel awful for the things I say to people and it makes me sad to think that these guys think that I didn't care about them at all and that I just used them. They think I'm a heartless bitch and I'm not. I swear I'm not. I'm just broken and terrified of being broken beyond repair.
Lord please heal me.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Dear future husband
I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to talk to you and to love you and to spend time with you. I can't wait to see you talking to my parents and to fall in love with the way you bond with my parents.
I can't wait to watch you play with my nieces and nephews and how you take that same tenderness and play with our own kids. I can't wait to cook with you and to have dinner disasters with you and having to go out to eat after I ruin our meal. I can't wait to tease you and make fun of you, run around the house with you and laugh harder than I've ever laughed with anyone else with you.
I can't wait to love you with all of my heart. I can't wait to love you more than I've loved any other man. I can't wait to open up to you in a way that I've always been afraid of.
Future husband please be patient with me and give me time to break down the walls around my heart. Future husband when I do everything in my power to push you away and make you believe that I don't want you, look me in my eyes until I tell the truth. Dear future husband, please don't give up on me because I promise when I'm ready we'll be something great.
I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you already.
Your future wife,
Nicole
I can't wait to watch you play with my nieces and nephews and how you take that same tenderness and play with our own kids. I can't wait to cook with you and to have dinner disasters with you and having to go out to eat after I ruin our meal. I can't wait to tease you and make fun of you, run around the house with you and laugh harder than I've ever laughed with anyone else with you.
I can't wait to love you with all of my heart. I can't wait to love you more than I've loved any other man. I can't wait to open up to you in a way that I've always been afraid of.
Future husband please be patient with me and give me time to break down the walls around my heart. Future husband when I do everything in my power to push you away and make you believe that I don't want you, look me in my eyes until I tell the truth. Dear future husband, please don't give up on me because I promise when I'm ready we'll be something great.
I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you already.
Your future wife,
Nicole
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