Lego House....

I have so many thoughts going through my head. It's not a bad thing but it's making me feel unfocused because I want to get them all out but I don't feel like there are enough venues for me to do so.

I wish I wrote more poetry.

The above sentence is weird because that's not what I initially planned to say but it just came out, so I guess that must be how I'm really feeling.

When I used to write poetry, at least one a week, I used to spill my entire heart into those pages. I would come up with pieces that portrayed emotions that I didn't even realize I was feeling. It was incredible and healing and very therapeutic, it was exactly what I needed to be okay at the time.

Now I'm in a place in my life where I feel such a strong feeling of, how do I say this, self worth. I feel like I'm doing things that are important and that I'm starting to come into myself so much and it's an amazing feeling.

But there are still things that I can't get out, that don't leave my body when I run, and that can't be explained enough to make me feel better when I blog.

I feel like I'm, I don't know, continuously finding myself and then getting lost again. Which sometimes I attribute to my age and other times I count it as a symptom of my wild and restless heart.

I'm a constant contradiction. I dream about love, I sing songs about it and I write about it, but whenever I get close to it I run away.

I need to write more poetry.

I'm so close to tears right now because I always feel so strong and set to face the world. Then there are times where I actually sit down and allow my self to settle and I'm faced with emotions that I'm unable to really deal with.

Today I put out into the world that I want to be a documentary filmmaker. In a few years I plan to go to film school and then I'm going to travel the world making films.

See what I did there, I distract myself from my emotions by planning and focusing on a goal. One day all this self reflection, running, blogging, journaling, crying and praying will make me into a better person and an even better wife. I'm convinced of it.

Until then I'm going to just take one day at a time. As strong as my emotions may be I'm going to work on facing them instead of suppressing them. Wish me luck.

"I'm gonna pick up the pieces, and build a lego house. If things go wrong we can knock it down."

Goodnight folks.