I was fine before you came along

So.....
He contacted me and now I'm a mess
Before when there was a possibility that he would never reach out to me
I was ok with that
I could deal with that
But this I can't deal with
Because when I get one text message or phone call I expect more
It was so much easier before I expected anything
And now I'm missing my nephews sixth birthday
I know that seems so random but
I was gonna go home but then I didn't because
my sister changed the day of the party
But now she said it's gonna be Saturday night
And since I'm away at school I can't go
This is seriously just a lot for me to take on
I'm trying to be strong and just keep things together
But it's starting to get a little bit harder
Honestly I don't know how much longer I can do this
My heart is empty
And I'm starting to become cold and I don't like it
I used to be in tune with my emotions and now
I'm just shutting them away
I hate this
I hate what I'm doing to myself
Fuck..........
I just wanna be fucking happy
is that to much to ask for
Why can't I just be happy
{sorry for my language it won't happen again}