Right now I am seriously procrastination studying for the test that I have tomorrow afternoon and it made me remember that i haven't written a real post on here in a while. So not to neglect my obligations I'm gonna write a little bit. So I don't know my life is going ok lately my uncle died I'm not exactly sure when but my parents told me when I went home this weekend. Apparently they waited to tell me because they didn't want me to be upset at school and like doing bad in my classes, but so far I'm doing ok. I haven't even cried yet so hopefully I keep taking this well and I don't just break down one day.
Besides that everything in my life is going ok, there are a lot of things that i need to start doing more of. I really need to buckle down and stop playing with God and the relationship that I'm trying to build with him. My father gave me these like dvds that he wants me to start listening to and I think I'm going to start tomorrow because I miss the relationship that I had with God over the summer. I prayed all the time and read my bible and I just feel like we were so close at that time and now not so much.
I just really want him to know how much I want to live for him and do things for him, but I seriously have to stop saying it and actually start living it. It's so hard when you enjoy doing the things of this world and things like that but I'm seriously going to try harder, I'm going to keep going to the seventh day church around here with my friends. I'm going to try to pray more than right before I go to sleep and actually start my day off with prayer. It's hard to do anything in the day and try to stay productive and I think that if I started my day off with prayer that it would be so much better.
I think the moral of the story is that I need to get my priorities together. I'm not a little kid anymore I can't expect my parents to get me into heaven I have to do that myself, and it's still only by the grace of God that I'll get there. I just need him in my life, I can't break right now I have to be strong for myself or I won't make it through the rest of the semester. The play will be over in two weeks and then I'll actually have free time again and I can't even believe it I'm so happy.
I feel like I'm writing an essay or something but it's just that I really haven't written anything in so long that I feel like I have so much to tell you about and I don't even know how to get it all out.
I think I may have already said that Devon and I aren't friends anymore and it's not even worth me writing about but I know that it was the lords will for me to stop talking to him because I'm so much happier. Plus I realize now that I was using him to make me feel better about myself and it's never ok to do that to a person and I need to know that I'm beautiful and precious and priceless without having to hear a person say it to me.
I think that right now I really would like to be with someone but I don't want to settle for just anyone just because there interested in me. I've seen way to many relationships fail and had to pick up the pieces of my friends hearts to know what happens when you rush into things and I'm not in the business of doing that. I think that once I start to putting my life in the order that it needs to be in and stop with all of the foolishness that I'll be a lot happier. I need to stop being so afraid to stand up for what I believe in and not be afraid to say that I don't agree with certain things. I need to stop using bad words and thinking it's ok and I need to not let myself get drunk ever again because God showed me that I was lucky the last time because he blessed me with some really great friends and I won't be so lucky the next time.
But anywhos I was thinking about relationships and how when I finally do end up in a relationship I need to work on my jealousy issues so that they don't interfere in anyways shape or form. Because I get jealous when me parents spend more time with another siblings than me and also when my friends don't text or call me enough so I know that if I don't get this together ASAP that it could possibly ruin any relationship that I would like to have in the future.
So now that I've rambled for about 15minutes about God knows what I'm actually going to go to sleep now so I can wake up early and study for this test I have tomorrow afternoon =]. Wish me luck!!!
Besides that everything in my life is going ok, there are a lot of things that i need to start doing more of. I really need to buckle down and stop playing with God and the relationship that I'm trying to build with him. My father gave me these like dvds that he wants me to start listening to and I think I'm going to start tomorrow because I miss the relationship that I had with God over the summer. I prayed all the time and read my bible and I just feel like we were so close at that time and now not so much.
I just really want him to know how much I want to live for him and do things for him, but I seriously have to stop saying it and actually start living it. It's so hard when you enjoy doing the things of this world and things like that but I'm seriously going to try harder, I'm going to keep going to the seventh day church around here with my friends. I'm going to try to pray more than right before I go to sleep and actually start my day off with prayer. It's hard to do anything in the day and try to stay productive and I think that if I started my day off with prayer that it would be so much better.
I think the moral of the story is that I need to get my priorities together. I'm not a little kid anymore I can't expect my parents to get me into heaven I have to do that myself, and it's still only by the grace of God that I'll get there. I just need him in my life, I can't break right now I have to be strong for myself or I won't make it through the rest of the semester. The play will be over in two weeks and then I'll actually have free time again and I can't even believe it I'm so happy.
I feel like I'm writing an essay or something but it's just that I really haven't written anything in so long that I feel like I have so much to tell you about and I don't even know how to get it all out.
I think I may have already said that Devon and I aren't friends anymore and it's not even worth me writing about but I know that it was the lords will for me to stop talking to him because I'm so much happier. Plus I realize now that I was using him to make me feel better about myself and it's never ok to do that to a person and I need to know that I'm beautiful and precious and priceless without having to hear a person say it to me.
I think that right now I really would like to be with someone but I don't want to settle for just anyone just because there interested in me. I've seen way to many relationships fail and had to pick up the pieces of my friends hearts to know what happens when you rush into things and I'm not in the business of doing that. I think that once I start to putting my life in the order that it needs to be in and stop with all of the foolishness that I'll be a lot happier. I need to stop being so afraid to stand up for what I believe in and not be afraid to say that I don't agree with certain things. I need to stop using bad words and thinking it's ok and I need to not let myself get drunk ever again because God showed me that I was lucky the last time because he blessed me with some really great friends and I won't be so lucky the next time.
But anywhos I was thinking about relationships and how when I finally do end up in a relationship I need to work on my jealousy issues so that they don't interfere in anyways shape or form. Because I get jealous when me parents spend more time with another siblings than me and also when my friends don't text or call me enough so I know that if I don't get this together ASAP that it could possibly ruin any relationship that I would like to have in the future.
So now that I've rambled for about 15minutes about God knows what I'm actually going to go to sleep now so I can wake up early and study for this test I have tomorrow afternoon =]. Wish me luck!!!
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