Truth

"I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit that nobody buys"

Disclaimer: I love being single, and I love the fact that I don't have to check in with someone every single time I do something. I think that the single life is a blessing. But I just have some things that I need to get out. So excuse me for tonight please.

I'm not sure what kind of feelings are going through my head tonight. Part of me knows that this is just temporary, but the other half of my heart feels like this is a story that I've had to read way too many times.

He comes for a while..then he leaves. It's a song that gets played in my life over and over again, a book that I can't stop reading. "Maybe this one will stick around." or "Maybe this guy will actually enjoy spending time with me."

I think it's kind of pathetic that I've gone from looking for the one, to just looking for the guy that will actually spend more than one day with me. The one that will keep in touch...the guy that might actually enjoy my presence and miss me while I'm gone.

I've met so many people, spent time with so many people, had meaningful conversations, shared kisses and hugs and feelings that I thought were real. But yet none of those people are still in my life.

What is it with me or what is it about me that pushes them away. Even when I don't give any part of myself, even when I don't walk away with hurt feelings, I still walk away without them.

I'm patiently trying to wait for the person who throws out this book and teaches me a new song. A person who slowly takes down my walls instead of trying to break through them, the person who waits patiently for me to let them in. While helping me to heal all the wounds from previous relationships or lack of relationships.

The person that makes me thank God for the broken road that I had to take to get to them. The one that makes me thank all the ones that pushed me into his direction. All the ones that didn't last.

But right now, that person isn't in my life, and I'm trying to find the silver lining in this dark cloud by myself. And it's hard to always make yourself happy..and I know I've said this before but it's hard feeling like your life is a revolving door.

I'm sad right now. "So that I do remember to never go that far, could you leave me with a scar."