My affection

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a very touchy feely person.

The way that I show my love affection or any of my emotions really is through touching. Even when I first meet a person I give them a hug right away usually to just show that I enjoyed meeting them.

It always makes me feel weird when I meet a person and they don't hug me or anything I feel like I did something wrong. It makes me feel like I upset them in some way so my hugs are unnecessary or something, I'm not exactly why I feel that way but I just do.

My displays of affection always get in the "ughhh should you be doing that" area when I like a person, because I tend to want to be as close to them as possible. I want to touch and hug on them as much as I can, it's like a need that I have to be really close to them.

It's so hard for me to stay within the boundaries of my beliefs and morals because I love to touch and be touched. I love hugging and kisses and the feel of someones skin on mine, (Can I be real for two seconds). I would be a liar if I said that I didn't enjoy and long for the physical contact, it's one of my drugs.

I feel a deeper connection with someone when I'm talking to them and I'm able to run my hands through their hair, hold their hand or touch their face. It makes me feel like my words are being listened too, and if there is a connection there then it's easier to detect when your touching.

Now I know that it's not smart/right to go past a certain level with someone before you're married and I swear I haven't crossed that line yet, but I've definitely thought about it. Had the feelings that it would make me feel closer to them or more loved by them even though it's not true.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, I think what I'm saying is people think I'm this perfect person, but my closet is full of skeletons and my stomach is full of beasts that i'm trying to contain. Things that aren't necessarily bad, but they're just not right for this time in my life.

I hope that people can see that I'm only human, and I make as many if not more mistakes then the next guy. Allow me to live my life, and please don't judge.

My affection. My lust. My drug. My caged inner beast.

Over and Out. Nik