I have a hard time

I have a hard time letting go of things. People..memories...situations. Just letting go in general. Somewhere in my mind I've convinced myself that everything lasts forever.Movies never end, people never die, and friends never leave you.

I just got done watching half of the brat pack movies, and after the Breakfast Club went off I got really sad. It was over, and I don't know what happened when they went back to school on Monday. Or worse, it's just a movie, and nothing happens on Mondays because Monday isn't coming for this story.

Sometimes I sit and I think about all of the best things that have ever happened to me, and how for some of those memories I didn't realize how special the moment was. I didn't realize that ten years later I would still be remembering that moment in history and wishing that I could go back to it and live it all over again, the exact same way.

Sometimes I wish that I was more appreciative of things..or rather I wish that I was better at showing my appreciation for things. Sometimes....I wish that things never came to an end. I wish that I never woke up from that dream because it showed me everything that I ever wanted. I wish that I never had to leave his arms, because in my mind, right now, that's the only place I want to be.

I wish I never had to say goodbye, I wish that Damien had never died..sometimes I have a lot of wishes..that I know will never come true, but I just have a hard time.I wish that my Grandfather was around more, and that my uncle would see me more than at graduations.

When I love something, I love with every fiber of my being, I love the color purple and have loved it my entire life, I loved my dog clifford and I still have yet to forget him, I love my family with all of my heart and would do ANYTHING for them. I have a hard time...sometimes.

That's why it's so hard for me when people just suddenly up and leave me, or walk out of my life, because I've already made a place for them in my future, and now suddenly...that place is left vacant without a replacement.

The moral of the story is I have a hard time letting go.....though I'm working on it, every single day..working on letting the past stay in the past...and looking towards my future. I still...sometimes....have a hard time.

Over and Out Nik