today the tears fell

I cried today
I cried really hard and it felt amazing
I haven't really cried since I've been at school
I've been hurting and going through a lot and I never cried
I missed my family
I was upset about life
About people.... I don't even know what else
I was sad about people that hurt and don't have help
I was upset with the person I've been lately
And instead of putting all of those feelings farther deeper in myself
Like I've usually been doing
I actually cried
And it felt so good
I grasped my pain and it felt better than anything
I couldn't deal with not being me anymore
I had to let go and just I don't know cry
What I said in my last blog I no longer believe
I know one day I'm gonna be someones somebody
I've been upset and sad
I've been blown off and told that I'm nothing special
But I've also been told that I'm pretty
that I'm smart
I've been told that I'm special
the bad things hurt the worst but the good things are so nice to hear
the good things resonate
I have friends now
i have important people in my life now
I can't be sad about stupid things any longer
I'm allowed to cry
you can tell me what you think I am
But I can tell you who I am
I'm a 19yr old girl
I've never been in love
I've been away from my family for the last 7wks
I'm ridiculously homesick and sad at times
Lately I've been hiding my feelings and not showing how I feel
Today I let it out
I cried today
I can tell you that I am not unlovable
I can tell you that I am not ugly
I can tell you that I'm not hopeless
I'm me...I'm the person God made me to be
I'm working on myself and trying to be a good person
Trying to be an amazing person but it's hard
and I'm working on it
Screw anyone who thinks they know me
Cause I can promise you there are at least 10 important things
that you don't know
I love today
because I cried
And I'll probably cry myself to sleep
but it's ok because at least I'm crying
Thank God that I'm finally feeling again