Maybe we're just alike

I thought I was different then other girls
but maybe I'm seriously not at all
Maybe I think everything about me is different
But in all reality I'm an exact copy
I wish that I knew for sure that I was something more
I wish that I could prove that I was different
I wish that all of my actions made me into a person that stood out
i wish I was a person that could be remembered
I wish I was gorgeous
Or even beautiful I would settle for that
I'm tired of being hot
Or sexy or just something to look at
I'm tired of my low self esteem
That makes me long for attention
I hate the fact that I need him for this
I hate the fact that he restarted these feelings in me
I wish I was different
I wish I had waited until my wedding day to have my first kiss
I'm still saving myself for marriage
But I guess kissing and making out slipped through that contract
I wish that I was the one they longed for
i wish I was the one that got phone calls every night
I wish I was remembered
I hate wishes because there just like expectations
wishes and expectations hate my life
I'm really not sad or depressed right now
I'm just finally coming to the realization
That I may never be that
"special someone"
for someone and that really sucks
and writing it down scares me more
writing it down makes it a real possibility
this isn't cool at all