Thoughts

I just really want to blog tonight...I'm not sure of what I want to say. I don't know if I even have anything to say. Tonight is not a special night, nothing out of the ordinary is happening, I just finished homework I had a nice day.

But I just want to write...maybe write about my day? I don't know.

Oh ok I got it, I'll write about my dreams. Lately my dreams have been wild. I've been dreaming that people have been chasing me. Always a different person, not always chasing me with the intent to kill me, but definitely always chasing me.

I feel like my dreams are a symbol of how I run from certain things in my life. I run from pain, love etc. I run from things that are too real. I'm doing better but I get anxiety from situations that scare me, so I avoid them.

Especially relationships, my name should be the queen of sabotage. I ruin things on purpose because I'm scared of being hurt. So I destroy things early or hurt the person before they can hurt me so that I'm never the one out on a limb.

It's a shame really, but I'm kind of coming to terms with it and I'm slowly working through it. I think that I'm ok. I'm finally realizing that I keep running from things because I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't need anything like that right now, I can't handle it.

I'm weird and right now more than ever I feel like I need my space. Lately I've been feeling smothered by situations and people and I need my space. I really can't say it enough, I want to be by myself.

So I'm ready to face these dreams I'm tired of running. I just want to deal with these things that are hindering so that I can move on with my life. Dreams be gone.