New outlook

So lately I've been getting epiphany after epiphany after epiphany pretty much and I'm feeling like finally I'm really on the right track with life.

One thing that God has really been dealing with me about, is the topic of men and the relationships I allow myself to get involved in. I've always talked about how I want a guy to treat me differently for once, but in order to get something you've never had before you have to start doing things you've never done before.

God is showing me that I want all these new things, yet I'm still doing the old things and that's why I'm getting the same results. How can I expect any guy to treat me with respect and care when I don't even respect and care for myself, I'm finally realizing all of these things.

I can only get so skinny, I can only be so beautiful, I can only dress so sexy but what does it matter. Guys tell me I have a nice body all the time, I hear I'm pretty from guys to the point where it's annoying, and I don't even want to talk about guys calling me sexy, but in the end it doesn't change the way I feel about myself.

So here's what I'm proposing to myself, the idea that I trying to devise a plan for and execute it successfully. I want to love myself more, and really learn to appreciate this body that takes care of me so well, this body that helps to get me through all the dance classes and strenuous weeks.

I'm going to learn to rely on God more, to let him be the number one guy in my life again. I'm realizing now that this is not a over night process, I didn't become a new person over night and I can't change back to the person I want to be over night.

So now I'm slowly evaluating the things about myself that I really dislike and I'm taking the time to break them down and sift them out instead of pretending they don't exist like I used to do.

Ughhh this new life is good so far, but I can already see that it's going to be harder than I realize, and that scares me. I can't wait to put all of my trust and care in God because he's the only one that can help me.