A brain.

My mind goes a thousand miles a minute and sometimes my emotions follow. I'm continuously thinking about something or someone and feeling some sort of way about it. I could assume that it's just human nature to change the way you feel about things a lot and I guess I shouldn't flatter myself by thinking that I'm the only one who feels the way I do.

I swear the Lord loves to keep me on my toes. As soon as I feel like I have a grip on life or like I know which direction something is going to go then everything changes. Then, I change and I don't know how I feel about anything anymore. Or I meet someone that spins my whole entire world around and makes me wonder how I ever lived a life that they didn't dwell in.

Sometimes I meet people and I honest to God feel like I fall head over heels for them and it's not that I want to be in a relationship with them sometimes it's just that I want them to be in my life. But that never seems to work out and I never seem to mean as much to someone as they mean to me. I'm perpetually the one being forgotten so I've learned how to be numb to it all. I don't let these things phase me anymore or rather I don't allow people to know that these things phase me. I deal with them on my own, in my bed, in the dark my tears filling my pillow sheet and my heart breaking from the silence.

In the end it's all going to be alright, I honestly believe that because I'm on my way there already. God is shaping me, he really is and I have to stop fighting and just allow him to make me into the person he wants me to be.