Tired of living below my privilege.

I'm really tired. Actually I'm exhausted. I'm tired of living below my privilege, I'm tired of Black females all around the world having no one to look up to. No examples. No icon, no ideas, no hero's.

I was lucky enough to grow up in a family where I didn't have to look outside of my home for a hero. I had a father that was everything I needed in a male example and a mother that supported my family and was the solid foundation we all needed.

But sometimes I realize that a lot of black families don't have that. The statistics are overwhelming...they show that a lot of black men aren't fathers to their children and a lot of black woman aren't mother to theirs as well.

So what do we do? Who do those children look too for guidance and love. Some of these kids have never been to church so don't have a strong relationship with God to hold on to and others try to look towards the television and media. They turn on the television and look for someone that looks like them. They look for black actresses and actors and singer and musicians that are actually doing something positive and the number are few.

I want to be an example for young African American youth growing up. I want them to know that it doesn't matter where you came from but the only thing that matters is where you're going.

I am endeavoring to change the way that I walk, change the way that I talk and change the things that I do in order to not only live a life that is pleasing in the eye sight of God but also to be an example.

I don't only want to be an example to my family members and friends, I feel like God is calling me to be an example to people that may never meet me. For some reason I'm suddenly over come with this over whelming feeling that God is calling me to be so much more than I am.

He's calling me to stand up and wipe all of the dirt and filth out of my life and leave a legacy. I feel like he's calling me to leave a legacy in this world that youth coming up behind me can look up too.

I need to remember what God tells me and stead fast too it. I need to remember that God has called me to be bigger than what I am and to be bigger than who I am. Thank God for calling me to not only fulfill my dreams but also use those dreams to empower the dreams of others.

The devil will not convince me that God hasn't showed my future to me. I need to stay focused...I need to stay in my bible and keep God first. I need to stop drinking, going to the club, chasing after boys, and doing all of these things. I need to change, but I can only do that with God.

I'm kind of scared...I'm not ashamed to admit that. I never wanted this life for myself..I never saw myself going down this path,but if this is what God has for me then who am I to say that I'm not qualified enough to receive it.

I'm looking forward to this change in my life...even though it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do I'm ready for it. I'm tired of living my life with no destination...with no predetermined purpose and now that God has shown this to me I'm never letting it go.

1 Corinthians 15:58 comes to mind it says "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord."

I'm so happy to know, finally, that my labour is not in Vain.