Identity

Sometimes I feel lost....Knee deep in my own thoughts kind of lost.

I feel trapped in this world and person that I created for myself and at times it can be hard,stressful. Sometimes I honestly feel like I just need to be alone. I need to move to a place where I don't know anyone and live on my own.

I need to figure out who I am. Who am I when I'm not around the people that I love and who love me in return. How do I push through what has been placed on me and live the way that I choose.

I feel like I was almost free when I went away to college. No one knew me an I felt like I could breathe. But then I made friends and those friends became my family away from family. We all became close. We became closer than I ever imagined we would be. Now I feel like they're starting to define me. Now I find myself wondering who am I without them.

I feel like a firework. I feel like I'm full of all these bright and beautiful things and for some reason I feel as if I hide them sometimes. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that I never feel like myself I just feel like sometimes I purposely don't shine as bright as I should. Sometimes I hide me talent and I don't know why.

I refuse to accept the fact that I'm not ugly and that I'm actually not to bad to look at because for some reason in my mind it's easier to believe that everyone around me is beautiful and I'm just the exception. I'm confused by the way that I lose myself in my surroundings sometimes.

I think I'm doing really good when it comes to somethings like the way I've completely quit drinking. Thanks to God and all of his help I'm been able to stay completely sober and not drink one drop of alcohol even when everyone around me is completely drunk. I'm very thankful that God help me to stick to my word for once.

I feel like I'm on the right track, but I just need to become a lot more independent than I am currently. I need to realize that I have to take care of myself, no one else can do that for me right now. I have to grab hold of the reigns to my own life.

I have to learn to be me.