I can only admit this to you..

I'm so happy I deleted his number..because I'm sitting here listening to John Mayer and feeling all lovey dovey like and I would of called or sent him a text by now, but thank God I don't have his number anymore. I just read a comment on my friends fb status, his status was talking about how he wants God to send him a woman, and someone commented and asked if he was prepared to be someones number two in their life and be their second priority, and he said other things but that comment is what really made me think.

When I get in a serious relationship my boyfriends needs to put God first in his life, and also God needs to be first in my life and what that means is that we both have to be ok with being number two. Whoever I choose to date can't expect my whole heart because it already belongs to Jesus and they have to know that they will always be my second priority because Gods will comes first.

I'm scared because I know that I can't be first in someones life but I know how jealous and upset I get when I try to get in contact with my mom and she's talking to one of my siblings or with my dad. I get jealous when I feel like someone should be giving me a certain amount of attention and they don't so I guess before I can expect anyone to be ok with second place I have to learn to fit into second place.

I want who ever I end up with to have a strong relationship with God and I can't stand in the way of that. I have to love them but always put God first. God is going to have to help me to become the girl that is not just ok with second place but encourages it. I love God more than anything and no one can fill the place he possesses in my life...so I need to give whoever I'm with the chance to love and be loved by God the same way that I am.

I have so much growing to do..I have the potential to be a really jealous girlfriend, but I seriously refuse to do that. I've seen so many of my friends go down the route where they continuously fight with their boyfriends over the dumbest stuff and it all stems from jealousy. I'm scared that I'm going to become just like them, I know that something is on it's way in my life and I'm trying my best to become the person that deserves to receive such a blessing.

I have to remember that these single days that I'm living are a real blessing and I really am thankful for them. I just want to be a better person and I don't know how long it will take for me to be the woman that I would like to be, but I think that I am on my way there.