Benedict

I read something recently on a blog that I came across and it touched me. It hit me in one of those places that makes you stop and realize how similar we are in this world. We're so alike that someone in another country, of a different gender, who has never met me, was able to size a certain part of me up in just a few small simple sentences.

He said "I fall in love all the time. With music, film, poetry. A smile. A bum. But rarely the whole of someone."

So true. If you've met me in person or spent any real time with me, you'll know that I say the word love a lot. Not necessarily in regards to people but more so things. I love the rain and hugging trees and I love my computer and I love the way my bed at home engulfs me after a long day. I love opening mail and sending long emails to friends, I love writing letters...you get the point. I love things and not in a superficial "you can't really love those things kind of way," but in a real smile inducing, heart touching, love filled way. I'm a lover.

But as the quotation above says and grounds me so firmly with, is the idea that, yes, I do fall in love all the time, but rarely and so far never with the whole of someone.

I love his determination but I hate the way he smiles at things that aren't really that funny. His passion makes me want to go out and change the world but his lack of respect for his own body makes me doubt his judgement. His love for children, reminds me of why I want to be a mother so badly, but the way he treats people who hurt him makes me want to never be on his bad side.

See, there's always a reason and though the ones above aren't all attached to the same person they are all connected to the same concept of loving one part but completely rejecting the others.

I heard someone say once that real love is being able to not only deal with but accept someone's faults. I think I can safely say that I have yet to come across that kind of love romantically and that's okay, totally okay with me.

But I do find it interesting that something I bring up on a daily basis, love, I have such a hard time giving fully to others. But I don't think I was ever so consciously aware of it until now and now that I'm aware it's up to me to decide if I actually want to change or not.

Decisions, decisions.