I need them

I need good people in my life to remind me of who I am sometimes. This weekend, my best friend and her boyfriend visited me at school and it was one of the best weekends of my college career. We didn't really do any thing special, but we did spend a lot of time together and that was really nice.

Last night we went to a party, where there was a lot of alcohol and cigarettes lying around and I was so tempted to drink. But with my friends there being accountability partners for me I was able to resist. After they left my campus I was unexpectedly overcome with emotions. I became tired of myself and the things that I've been doing.

When I was with my friends, my two best friends, I was able to 100% no holding back or thinking about my words able to be myself and it was such a great feeling. They know me so well, they can tell when I'm not happy, or when I'm becoming frustrated with a situation. They know when I finally decided on something and no matter what won't change my mind about it. They were with me when I made the one mistake that I regret in life, and they were there to hold my hand and give me words of wisdom when I cried about it.

My friends are so important to me I really don't know where I would be without them. I'd be up a creek without a paddle, I assume. The Lord has shown me that I shine the brightest when I embrace the fact that I am perfect only in my imperfections. I long to make people happy and make them laugh, but it's when I'm myself and embrace everything that means, do others around me smile and find humor in what happens.

I'm so conflicted within myself, there are moments where I'm unbelievably confident and then others where I cower in fear. There are moments where I'm completely sure of what I want in life, but then I look around and find myself standing all alone and I change my mind again. I need people around me who know me well enough to keep me grounded. People like the two that visited me this weekend, who have the same beliefs as me and can smack me around when I start acting crazy.

I was starting to feel lost here at school again, like I was losing ever part of myself that means the most. Now I'm feeling like I can almost see who I am again and I'm on the path to becoming that person again very soon.