My mistakes always seem to catch up to me
Sometimes in the middle of the night
Interrupting my peaceful dreams
My mistakes call me up
Sometimes in the afternoon
A ghost from my past checking in
My mistakes catch me off guard
They show up when I least expect them
Dismantling relationships that I thought were strong
My mistakes live in my room
Crawling all over pictures and doorknobs
Reminding me of all the choices I've made
My mistakes don't have faces
But their voices echo in my head
Tell me I should be broken and filled with regret
I am not a result of my mistakes
But I am a result of what I've learned from them
How they've made me change
I do not see my mistakes in my reflection
Instead I see my accomplishments
And not one glimpse of who I used to be
My mistakes try to haunt me but I haunt them instead
Showing them that they haven't crushed me
Nor do they affect me
I am a result of every lesson ever taught to me
And every person I've ever met
I'm a collection of good intentions
Stitched together with failed attempts
My mistakes always seem to catch up to me
Just long enough for me to be reminded of them
And how powerless they are.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
How to live
First:
Put your whole life in order
Pay your bills and organize your closet
Wash your sheets and clean your room
Make your bed and pack up your old books
Spend time with every member of your family
Remind them how much you love them
Second:
Get rid of your cell phone
Flush it down a toilet or throw it off a cliff
Deactivate your Facebook and delete your Twitter
Buy a dog, with kind eyes and soft fur
Update your blog and allude to a dream
Third:
Quit your job, tell them you found something better
Break up with your boyfriend
Meet up with all of your best friends
Only one will realize something is up, play it cool
Buy something really expensive, that you don't need
Fourth:
Find all your Exes and tell them how you really feel about them
Go to the house you grew up in and sit on the front porch
Write a letter full of secrets and burn it
Buy a cheap pair of blue Nike sneakers, cheap
Buy a cheap but reliable car
Fifth:
Leave
Pack your car in the middle of the night
Grab your dog and your running sneakers
Kiss your bedroom door and dust off your feet
Jump in the car
And leave.
Put your whole life in order
Pay your bills and organize your closet
Wash your sheets and clean your room
Make your bed and pack up your old books
Spend time with every member of your family
Remind them how much you love them
Second:
Get rid of your cell phone
Flush it down a toilet or throw it off a cliff
Deactivate your Facebook and delete your Twitter
Buy a dog, with kind eyes and soft fur
Update your blog and allude to a dream
Third:
Quit your job, tell them you found something better
Break up with your boyfriend
Meet up with all of your best friends
Only one will realize something is up, play it cool
Buy something really expensive, that you don't need
Fourth:
Find all your Exes and tell them how you really feel about them
Go to the house you grew up in and sit on the front porch
Write a letter full of secrets and burn it
Buy a cheap pair of blue Nike sneakers, cheap
Buy a cheap but reliable car
Fifth:
Leave
Pack your car in the middle of the night
Grab your dog and your running sneakers
Kiss your bedroom door and dust off your feet
Jump in the car
And leave.
Racism in 2012.
One thing that I never really write about is racism. It's something that though I've had to deal with it at times, has never really made a huge impact in my life. I've grown up around people of different races my whole life and have always felt like I've belonged even if I was the only black person in the room.
I read an article recently about a black man that was saying that he feels like now that we have a black president he can't talk about racial issues anymore. A lot of people think that since our president is black that there is no longer racism in our country, that's not true.
I feel like our generation has come so far since our parents and grandparents generations. We've learned to love each other and accept each other as one, no matter what we look like and that's incredible to me. But there are still people in this world who have stereotypes and embedded prejudices against people who look different than them.
Racism is something that really hurts me to my heart. When people talk to my sister who is in an interracial marriage and has three children and tell her that her kids will have a hard time choosing which race to be friends with, it kills me. Why do people even think like that? It's so hard to understand, because believe me I really do try to see where they're coming from. I understand that they way you were raised affects what kind of adult you are but what I don't understand is why they're raised like that in the first place.
I just think about the future and I'm nervous. They're are so many people who have good intentions and good hearts but they always seem to be forgotten or overshadowed by those with ill intentions.
Like I said before this is not a topic that I like talking about a lot. I think that I let myself get to upset and hurt over it and it hinders me from thinking about it in an objective manner. I just think that it's a problem that our society still faces and that it should be dealt with before tragedies happen not during them.
I read an article recently about a black man that was saying that he feels like now that we have a black president he can't talk about racial issues anymore. A lot of people think that since our president is black that there is no longer racism in our country, that's not true.
I feel like our generation has come so far since our parents and grandparents generations. We've learned to love each other and accept each other as one, no matter what we look like and that's incredible to me. But there are still people in this world who have stereotypes and embedded prejudices against people who look different than them.
Racism is something that really hurts me to my heart. When people talk to my sister who is in an interracial marriage and has three children and tell her that her kids will have a hard time choosing which race to be friends with, it kills me. Why do people even think like that? It's so hard to understand, because believe me I really do try to see where they're coming from. I understand that they way you were raised affects what kind of adult you are but what I don't understand is why they're raised like that in the first place.
I just think about the future and I'm nervous. They're are so many people who have good intentions and good hearts but they always seem to be forgotten or overshadowed by those with ill intentions.
Like I said before this is not a topic that I like talking about a lot. I think that I let myself get to upset and hurt over it and it hinders me from thinking about it in an objective manner. I just think that it's a problem that our society still faces and that it should be dealt with before tragedies happen not during them.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
I have a problem...actually I have two.
Problem 1:
I really like floss. Actually, I'm sorry I lied, I love floss. I floss about 50 times a day, it's an obsession really. I have a thing about teeth and the way I rationalize it in my head is that if I expect other people to have nice teeth then I should have pretty spiffy teeth as well.
So consequently I carry floss with me wherever I go and I have no shame, I'll floss anywhere. I floss in stores, at church, in restaurants, while I'm doing homework, whenever I feel the need to floss my teeth I figure out a way to do it. Then I feel better and my teeth feel clean and the world feels in order.
Problem 2:
I hate when people touch my elbows. Hate is the wrong word, I'd rather get chased by a dog than have someone touch my elbows. My friends do it to me all the time cause they think it's hilarious to see me squirm like a weirdo and scream like a mad man.
I'm not crazy though, I promise I'm not.
I really like floss. Actually, I'm sorry I lied, I love floss. I floss about 50 times a day, it's an obsession really. I have a thing about teeth and the way I rationalize it in my head is that if I expect other people to have nice teeth then I should have pretty spiffy teeth as well.
So consequently I carry floss with me wherever I go and I have no shame, I'll floss anywhere. I floss in stores, at church, in restaurants, while I'm doing homework, whenever I feel the need to floss my teeth I figure out a way to do it. Then I feel better and my teeth feel clean and the world feels in order.
Problem 2:
I hate when people touch my elbows. Hate is the wrong word, I'd rather get chased by a dog than have someone touch my elbows. My friends do it to me all the time cause they think it's hilarious to see me squirm like a weirdo and scream like a mad man.
I'm not crazy though, I promise I'm not.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Ideals
I think there is a certain level of beauty (this is gonna be weird but just go with it) in finding yourself attractive but not expecting others to find you attractive.
Some would call that a certain level of low self esteem but in my brain I rationalize it as being the most humble level of self esteem. It's saying that you think God did a great job on your face but if others don't think so that's fine as well.
The things I think about at night time....random brain of mine.
Some would call that a certain level of low self esteem but in my brain I rationalize it as being the most humble level of self esteem. It's saying that you think God did a great job on your face but if others don't think so that's fine as well.
The things I think about at night time....random brain of mine.
Creative Writing
I fell down the stairs once. When I say fell, I mean a legitimate tumble down the stairs, not tripping or slight fumbles in this scenario. I was 21 and dumb. I walked out of my room and didn't pay attention to where I was going, I knew the stairs so well, or at least that's what I thought.
My mother had just finished lifting some light weights in her room and had placed them in the corner of the stairs on the way down. When I think about what happened that day I like to imagine that my mother was planning to grab them but had instead forgotten them and went downstairs to watch television. The less logical part of my brain tries to convince me that they were strategically placed there as a part of the grand scheme of my early demise.
I digress, so I walked out of my room and instead of walking towards the center of the stairs I cut things a little too close and walked along the left edge near the rail. I stepped right on top of the weights and the rest? Well the rest is as follows...
I slid down the first half of the stairs on the heels of my feet hoping and praying that the wall would stop me and I wouldn't go to the right down the other half of the stairs. Good news for the story, the wall didn't stop me, in fact it propelled me down the other half of the stairs. When I finally landed on solid ground after what felt like hours of falling my mother was there waiting for me asking me repeatedly if I was alright.
I answered. "Yes. I'm alright."
My mother had just finished lifting some light weights in her room and had placed them in the corner of the stairs on the way down. When I think about what happened that day I like to imagine that my mother was planning to grab them but had instead forgotten them and went downstairs to watch television. The less logical part of my brain tries to convince me that they were strategically placed there as a part of the grand scheme of my early demise.
I digress, so I walked out of my room and instead of walking towards the center of the stairs I cut things a little too close and walked along the left edge near the rail. I stepped right on top of the weights and the rest? Well the rest is as follows...
I slid down the first half of the stairs on the heels of my feet hoping and praying that the wall would stop me and I wouldn't go to the right down the other half of the stairs. Good news for the story, the wall didn't stop me, in fact it propelled me down the other half of the stairs. When I finally landed on solid ground after what felt like hours of falling my mother was there waiting for me asking me repeatedly if I was alright.
I answered. "Yes. I'm alright."
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