Life lessons...

This semester I learned so much about myself, I find it so incredible that this program changes the lives of so many people, even it's staff.

I learned this semester that I receive love in a different way than I give love. My main love language for receiving and feeling loved by other is quality time, by spending quality time with others I feel like I'm getting to know them better and that we have a deep connection.

When I'm showing love to others I mostly do so through physical touch and acts of kindness. I do things for the people I love, whether that's cleaning the house or just doing something small for them that I know that will make them happy. But primarily, especially in relationships, I show my feelings for others by touching them.

 But the really interesting part I think, is that I do not receive love at all through physical touch. Yes I like to be hugged and things like that, but just because someone is touching me that doesn't mean that my love tank is being filled, actually 9 times out of 10 I'm probably hoping that they will stop touching me soon. Weird.

I learned that I react so much better to things when I just breathe and relax for a second. I worked so hard this tour on not being stressed out or upset about the small things and when I had instances where I was upset about something I really pushed myself to just breathe and relax. By doing so, I found that I treated people better, reacted more rationally to things and had less regrets.

This semester I learned that as scary as it may be to open up to new people, that you know you'll have to say bye to, that the gift is so much better than the consequence. This semester I feel as if I walked away from the tour with such dear friends and I think that it's mainly because I took the guards that I so carefully placed around my heart down in order to truly experience the six months. I have to say that doing so was the best decision I made all tour.

I walked away from the semester, sad that it was over, but so glad that I was leaving with so many new friends, people that I care about and know will be in my life forever.

Another thing I learned about myself is that in order to maintain your integrity and character it has to be something you work at everyday and not just something you talk about. It's easy to maintain your integrity when you're surrounded by people and there are cameras on you, but when you're by yourself or there isn't anyone around, that's when it gets hard. That's when it's most important, it's in those moments that what you do is important.

I've learned that when I smile it means more than any other expression I could ever make.

I learned that I deserve more.

That the grass isn't greener on the other side, instead it's greener where you water it.

I learned that the best way to eat an Elephant is one bite at a time.

I learned that even your friends let you down, but that doesn't mean that they're not amazing friends.

I realized, with a lot of help, that of course the world will be a better place in 25 years because I've met so many of the people that will change it.

I learned that life happens and even when you're not paying attention the world around you is moving at an unbelievable pace.

I learned how to love and be loved in return.

What a semester.

"At the end of the day my love will flow, whether it flows out to others or is kept inward for myself is my choice. Where does your love flow?"

I'm all about poetry, the way it flows from a person's mouth and fills their brain when they're writing it. Yeah, I love poetry. But I'm also a big fan of just writing out your thoughts and opinions for the world to see.

I think it's almost easier to write poetry, because poetry can be perceived as either factual or possibly just a story that you're telling. Unless, you explain to someone the ins and outs of your writing they really can't tell what is going on in your head.

But when it comes to blogging and journaling, it's so open and you make yourself so vulnerable..well at least I feel as if I do. I just open up this browser and stare and this white blank page and ask myself, what am I comfortable sharing? What is ok to share? Who even reads this?

I think that it's so difficult to know the line between opening your heart to clear your head and just disclosing information that no one else really cares about, it's quite interesting to think about.

Ugghh it's been so long since I've really blogged that I feel as if my mojo has faded a little bit. I remember my teacher in college telling me that the best way to be a great writer is to not only read every single day but to write every day as well. The reading thing I have down but the writing thing I definitely need to improve on.

So here's my challenge to myself, I am going to write every single day, whether that means just writing in my journal or posting an update on here, I will write every day. Challenge accepted.

Linkssss

I'll need these later, you might need them now.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/21-incredibly-important-diagrams-to-help-you-get-through-life

http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/ingenious-things-youll-want-as-a-new-parent

Your beautiful mind

A dream of mine-

I want to perform one of my poems....in front of a room full of people. A room filled to the brim with my peers.

I want to write words that will chase them and trace the outlines of their ears before it fills them.

I want to plant a seed

That grows into the biggest sunflower

a flower that shines so bright that it's named after the brightest light in the universe.

I want to whisper logic

Words that are so highly valued that the room grows eerily silent as all ears ache for my words.

I want the words that took an hour to write and days to perfect, to fall out of my mouth in minutes

Into the laps of onlookers

Hoping that their expectant glances won't soon turn into disappointed frowns

A dream of mine

would be to shake a few powerful hands with the fingerprints of my ideas.

To hand them a problem and beg them to find it's solution.

To mix my passions with theirs and guide them to brighter concepts

A poem that's more than just words on a page

Or ideas of a lost, hopeless romantic soul

But instead the thoughts of a person overwhelmed with passion

Caught in a naive bubble of a sugar filled earth

Yes

A dream of mine would be to share myself with that room

Ask them to cup their hands around their ears to make sure no words slip by

I'd cry before I went on stage knowing that this was it

A dream come true

A moment where the future was meeting the present and I was caught in the whirlwind

I'd tell them to close their eyes at the end

So we all felt it together

The love and loss of a dream fulfilled

My work.

Their ears.

The end

Oh, people.

"But what are you going to do after Up With People?"

The question I always seem to get, from family members, host families, friends from home....what after? 

I find it hard to answer that question sometimes, but then something happens and I'm reminded of what I burn for. What really sends me over the brim with passion. 

I love people. I think it's safe to say that I am uncontrollably and truly passionate about people. Helping people, caring for people, loving people....I was put on this earth to be there for people. But in that passion come the confusion of how exactly I can use my love for people to fuel and guide the rest of my life. 

So clearly God embedded this deep love for people in my life for a reason, so what is that reason? Yeah, I'm working on figuring that part out. The best part is, is that I don't feel lost, not at all...instead I feel as if I'm at the beginning of a road that's leading me to something really incredible. 

It's really hard to describe how I feel about my future right now, fulfilled, secure, loved...those words are just the tip of the iceberg to the emotions and thoughts that are surging through me. And it's the weirdest feeling because I have literally no idea what I'm going to do in the future or how it's all going to work out, but for some reason, one big reason, faith....I just know that it all will and I'm not worried at all. 

People say that life happens when you're busy making plans, I guess I'm lucky that I haven't gotten that far yet. 

Mason...

I want to say beautiful things

I want to hold his hand and tell him that he's going to change the world

I want to wipe his tears and tell him that all his fears are strong but he's stronger

I want to hug him when he frowns

And take pictures and frame them when he smiles

I want to be his best friends

And his biggest support system

I want to be the first woman he loves

And the one who's opinion means a lot to him

I want to flood him with compliments that build his self esteem and not his ego

I want to shower him with gifts that he's earned as well as deserves

my future son

I want to raise him to be the kind of man my father is

Humble, strong,courageous...

I want to push him to greatness

But let him know that if he ever fails at something I'll be there too

I want to raise him to respect woman and others but most importantly himself

I want to raise a son like my little brother

Adventurous, curious, outgoing

A soldier and a consoler

a shining light

A want to raise a son that people admire

One that inspires thousands

I want him to love God

and have unfaltering faith

as well as a mind and personality of his own

A brave boy, that fights for what he believes in

A man worth looking up to

my son.

America- The country it used to be.

An answer to the question, "What makes America the greatest country in the world?"

After saying repeatedly that America isn't the greatest country in the world and going on a rant, the speaker finished with this powerful monologue. About why America used to be the greatest country in the world.

"We sure used to be. We stood up for what was right! We fought for moral reasons, we passed and struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged war on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and cultivated the world's greatest artists and the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars, and we acted like men. We aspired to intelligence; we didn't belittle it; it didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election, and we didn't scare so easily. And we were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. The first step to solving any problem, is recognizing that there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore."

From the HBO show The Newsroom.